The beard: this majestic facial plumage is probably the most beautiful natural display a man can achieve. And it has much more power than one might realize. Studies suggest beardedness strongly influences the perceptions of male attributes, especially from the opposite sex. Similar to Samson who derives his power from his hair, beards can give all that and more.
Before you read these points, I need you to promise me one thing: you will use these benefits for good. Like Uncle Ben from Spiderman says, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”
So without further adieu, here’s 9 reasons you need a beard…
1. Women really dig them (we have the science to prove it
What if I told you that women perceive men with beards to be more attractive, healthier, more masculine, better fathers, and god-like? Okay, all but the last one is true. The previous points were proven in a scientific study which essentially says men without beards are little bitches who should serve those with beards.
2. It Commands respect
There’s a saying called Growing the Beard, which is used to describe the moment a television show gets noticeably better. The trope originated when Commander Riker on Star Trek: TNG grew a beard and afterward the show stopped sucking. Suddenly the Commander commanded more respect. He was distinguished and revered and way more badass. And then the show became super successful.
Was it really a beard which did all this? Obviously.
3. It can be a hobby
Grooming and maintaining your beard is kind of like working on your car or growing an impressive garden. A lot of love and passion goes into a beard and the more attention you give it, the better it will look, feel, and smell.
Make sure to check out our beard care collection filled with natural oils, supplements and balm to keep your beard finely tuned.
4. It’s character-defining
Some people are referred to as Larry from accounting. Or Larry with the creepy laugh. Or floppy tits Larry.
Other people are known as Larry with the badass beard. Which Larry do you want to be?
Grow a fucking beard and properly define yourself.
5. It can hide unattractive features
Do you have acne scars, a double chin, flappy jowls, or some other subjectively unattractive feature on your face? You should put a beard on it.
Look, I’m all for loving yourself and being comfortable in your skin, but if you can naturally transform something others may look at you funny for into something people admire you for…
I think it’s time for some face moss.
6. It will be your trusty shield
There are some real health benefits you will enjoy when you have a beard. It’s truly the ultimate defensive ally. First off, shaving can cause cuts, infections, and ingrown hairs. Letting your face just do its thing will prevent all of that. Secondly, it can protect you from 95% of UV Rays from the sun. As if that wasn’t enough, it also filters out germs and allergens, kind of like your nostril hairs do. It can also act as a form of insulation to keep you warm when you’re climbing snow-capped mountains or snowmobiling or other manly winter activities.
Maybe the protective benefits from beards explain why Vikings and Spartans were some of humanity’s greatest warriors.
7. Great for fidgeting
Little boys play with fidget spinners. Men play with their beards. You can stroke it, twirl it, and tap into it for wisdom. Better yet, you can also let the ladies do all these things to it.
8. It’s simultaneously gentlemanly and rugged
The beard does it all. You’re an outdoorsman when you wear flannel. You’re a total boss when you put on a suit. You’re a spiritual guru when you strap on some sandals. And you’re a wizard when you wear a robe.
When you don’t have a beard, and you wear these outfits, you’re just some dude wearing different outfits.
Those with beards know. There’s a beard community and men who grow them get gentlemanly nods and handshakes.
This deeply rooted comradery between men with beards comes from mutual respect. We understand the care and passion that goes into growing a beard, and it’s great to share this with others in the bearded brotherhood.
Now that you know the 9 reasons you need a beard, you only have to things left to do…
Toss the razor and keep on growing.
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