8 Of The Craziest Beard Growth Treatments

September 23, 2018

You’ve probably heard or read about — and hopefully you haven’t tried some of them yourself – some wild, outlandish ways you can grow a better beard. Whether it’s out of desperation or simple curiosity, there really are people who are willing to go that extra insane mile to get that perfect face bush. So, without further ado, we’re here to present you with the 8 craziest beard growth treatments we know. But hey, just remember that if you’re going to try any of these, make sure you’re not doing harm to yourself. You know, your whole body, not just your facial hair.

1. Going inverted with it

If you haven’t heard of this one yet, there’s this thing called the inversion method where people purport that your hair grows faster when your follicles are facing downwards. The reason behind this: gravity pulls down your hair and allows it to grow out faster. It sounds crazy, right? And it is. If you’re an aspiring beard grower that means you should avoid lifting your head up as much as possible. So, if you’re going to try this, expect that you’ll end up not being able to see the skies or the roof of your house for a few months. Our verdict: this one’s a meme that’s been taken way too seriously for too long and we absolutely don’t recommend it!

2. Beard Growth Massage

There are some misguided souls out there who think that massaging your cheeks, upper lip, and chin on a daily basis will indeed increase the rate of your facial hair growth. We’re here to debunk that, though, since facial massages – whether you’re doing it to grow your beard or not – don’t stimulate your hair follicles; it stimulates your facial muscles. So, you won’t be getting a thicker or fuller beard if you try this, although your cheeks might feel a little more supple.

3. Dousing your face in random oils

It’s become a sort of trend within hair growth circles that slathering generous amounts of essential oils on your face promotes growth, facial or otherwise. Now, this is one of those methods that aren’t completely out there; they actually have a point. Essential oils, like jojoba or virgin argan oil does indeed help stimulate your hair follicles, clean up your beard, and promote skin health. However, slathering whatever kind of oil you have with you is not the way to go. Keep in mind that there are different concentrations and recommended dosages between each essential oil. Depending on what you need (cleansing, growth, etc.), the first thing you need to know is exactly how much you should put on your face and hair especially with essential oils like cinnamon or chili, which are highly irritant to skin. It’s always best if you know what you’re getting into before diving in headfirst. We recommend trying Norse Beard Oil which contains the perfect combination of oils to help promote a thicker and healthier beard. If you want to get deeply into oils you can check the best oils for beard growth here.

4. Eating noodles

Seriously, guys, this crazy hair growth method (well, more like superstition) exists. There are those who think that eating foods shaped like hair influences hair growth. Of course, the way your food looks doesn’t have any bearing whatsoever on how much facial hair you can grow at any given span of time; what matters is the nutrients that come with the things you eat. When it comes to beard growth, it’s best to have vitamins and minerals that promote blood flow and skin health. That means you should stock up on vitamins A, E, and iron. Whether you get it from noodles or string beans is optional!

5. Yoga

Wait, what? Yoga can make your beard grow, you say? Well, yes and no. Yes, yoga does in part help relieve stress, which then helps balance your hormone levels and end up for better facial hair growth, but it’s not exclusive to doing yoga. A better way to put it is that the less stress levels you have, the more balanced your hormones become. So, it doesn’t matter whether you do yoga or not. As long as you keep your stress levels in check, be it from participating in sports or the simple act of sleeping it off, keeping your testosterone levels high means that you are less likely to have a patchy beard.

6. Applying anti-fungal cream on your beard

This one’s pretty deceiving the way it may seem legit at first. You know, applying all that anti-fungal cream means you’re cleaning your face and beard, right? And clean skin and facial hair means they’ll grow more easily. Well, not really. The truth is that anti-fungal cream does no wonders for your glorious face bush. Instead of spending your money on tubes of this medicine, just go with a trusty bottle of beard oil, a simple essential oil, or a canister of beard balm to clean your face and beard.

7. Bull crap!

And we mean that literally! Leaning on the crazier side of the beard growing scale, there’s this existing belief that leaving bull feces on your beard and then leaving it there for a few minutes will help stimulate facial hair growth. We’re not even going to explain it; we’ll just leave you by saying don’t try this. Ever. Fun fact: some people even think that bull shit isn’t enough to get that glorious beard growing; some even go so far as to slather bull semen on their faces. Okay, that’s enough internet for today.

8. Stocking up on proteins

Last but not least, there is the crazy belief that getting all jacked up on protein is a powerful beard growth treatment. After all, protein is one of the ingredients to hair. However, keep in mind that this nutrient is just one of the many other essential vitamins and minerals you need to make sure that your skin and hair are in proper beard-growing form. As we mentioned earlier, vitamins A, E, and minerals like iron are equally important. So, don’t just stock up on proteins; make sure that you’re getting balanced nutrition. ‘Til then, keep on growing that glorious beard!